allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
