The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
i need some magic done to my vagina
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
