And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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