Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
