Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
My bed smells like the plague
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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