You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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