i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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