allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
