I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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