it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize