you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Randomize