I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
