Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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