I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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