My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Randomize
