Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I feel like death gave me a hand job
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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