sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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