You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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