everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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