wakey wakey hands off snakey
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
