Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
