Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
