I haven't been this sober since birth.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
