sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
