I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
