I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize