apparently the secret to your success is patron
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
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