bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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