I want you more than these girls want KFC
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
