he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
