her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
