I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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