I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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