God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
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