This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
