...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
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