it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
