She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize