you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
