Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
