i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
