I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
