Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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