One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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