I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I wish you could order shots online.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
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the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
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Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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