You're my little dorito
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Randomize
