If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
