i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
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Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
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P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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