Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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