It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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