Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
he wants to bone in the snuggie
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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