I should be sponsored by Trojan
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
