Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Panties = found
Randomize
