Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
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