Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
