So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
