he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
