We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
