Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
