The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
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