Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
