i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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