All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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