she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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