Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Randomize
