Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
