So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
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You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
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I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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