I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Randomize
