I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I just had sex on a roof
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
