It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
