You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
