White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
