the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
well most of my day revolves around power hour
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Randomize
