Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
