In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Randomize
