he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
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