I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
