So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
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Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
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i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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