I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Randomize
