and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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