the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
