I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I'm passing your future prison.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
